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I’m Kapri, a senior at Southeast High School. I moved to Florida from St. Croix, the Virgin Islands during the winter of 1998. I am determined to try to graduate with all A’s and in the top 10 percent. I am also an active student in Future Business Leaders of America, Student Government, and Senior Advisory Board. I’m an officer in all; treasurer in FBLA, senior class secretary in SGA, and secretary in Senior Advisory Board. Outside of school, I have volunteered at Meals on Wheels and the Boys' and Girls' Club. When I volunteered at Meals on Wheels, it was for a short period of time because I felt that moving food all day wasn’t for me. I volunteered at the Boy’s and Girl’s Club from June, 2009 through August, 2009 and I plan on volunteering there this summer also. Besides volunteering, I hang out with my family and friends, but with my sister the most. Every weekend I go stay the night at my sister’s house. We talk about our problems and understand each other. I also enjoy listening to music in my spare time, as well. In the future, I plan to go to the University of Central Florida. I plan on entering as a Business Management major and on day getting my Masters in Business Administration (MBA). After getting my MBA I plan on getting a good job that deals with management. Also in the future, I hope to have a husband, start a family, and raise my children well.

Kapri: you have a start on all three paragraphs, but I would like for you to expand on them. You need to explain what FBLA and SGA are. After the word all, use a colon because you are beginning a list. You need a comma after wheels and before it. No comma before because. Never use a comma between month and date. What has made you determined to be an academic success? It is the Boys' Club and the Girls' Club. Tell me about why workig at the Boys' and Girls' Club was different? Why do you volunteer? Make sure you have three well-developed paragraphs.

fixed it.

I’m Kapri, a senior at Southeast High School. I moved to Florida from St. Croix, the Virgin Islands during the winter of 1998. Living in Bradenton and seeing some of the bad things that has happened makes me determined to get out of here. I am very focused and determined to try to graduate with all A’s and in the top 10 percent. I am also an active student in Future Business Leaders of America, Student Government, and Senior Advisory Board. I’m an officer in all; treasurer in Future Business Leaders of America, senior class secretary in Student Government, and secretary in Senior Advisory Board. Outside of school, I have volunteered at Meals on Wheels and the Boys’ and Girls’ Club. When I volunteered at Meals on Wheels, it was for a short period of time because I felt that moving food all day wasn’t for me. I volunteered at the Boys’ and Girls’ Club from June, 2009 through August, 2009. When I started volunteering at the Boys’ and Girls’ Club I didn’t think it was for me either because I didn’t think I would get along with kids. As the days went on, I realized I loved working with kids and I plan on volunteering there this summer also. Besides volunteering, I hang out with my family and friends, but with my sister the most. Every weekend I go stay the night at my sister’s house. We talk about our problems and understand each other. I also enjoy listening to music in my spare time, as well. In the future, I plan to go to the University of Central Florida. I’ve always wanted to major in business, so I plan on entering as a Business Management major and one day getting my Masters in Business Administration (MBA). Also while in college I plan to enjoy the college life and have some fun. After getting my MBA for management I plan on getting a good job that deals with management. When I have the job, I plan and hope to make a reasonable amount of money. Also in the future, I hope to have a husband, start a family, and raise my children well.